EGONE THRUST
"To Mars, But First, A Quick Jet Trip"
- Aircraft: Gulfstream G650
- Total CO₂ Emissions: 5,443 metric tons
- Total Miles Flown: 491,811 miles
- Total Flights: 346
- Fuel Burned: 545,240 gallons
- Flight Time: 45 days 10 hours 32 minutes
"We Need Sustainable Energy" is out here vaporizing jet fuel like he’s speedrunning a carbon footprint challenge. Maybe Mehsla should drop a solar-powered jet next?
KRYLIE JENDER
"Queen of 17-Minute Flights"
- Aircraft: Bombardier Global 7500
- Total CO₂ Emissions: 4,817 metric tons
- Total Miles Flown: 346,687 miles
- Total Flights: 212
- Fuel Burned: 422,660 gallons
- Flight Time: 32 days 22 hours 46 minutes
Reality check: Your daily Starbucks run is probably longer than some of Krylie’s flights. But hey, gotta get to the next PR event in style, right?
ZUCKERNERD
"Meta’s Carbon Footprint is Meta-Sized"
- Aircraft: Gulfstream G650
- Total CO₂ Emissions: 3,684 metric tons
- Total Miles Flown: 301,559 miles
- Total Flights: 250
- Fuel Burned: 368,870 gallons
- Flight Time: 30 days 19 hours 14 minutes
Imagine flying private while building a virtual world where you could’ve just Zoomed into your meetings. The Metaverse is real, but emissions are even real-er.
BRAKE
"Certified CO₂ Boy"
- Aircraft: Boeing 767
- Total CO₂ Emissions: 3,437 metric tons
- Total Miles Flown: 77,026 miles
- Total Flights: 116
- Fuel Burned: 1,029,900 gallons
- Flight Time: 8 days 11 hours 23 minutes
Brake’s jet is literally the size of a commercial airliner, but it only carries him and his entourage. The real “God’s Plan” should be carbon offsets, my guy.
TRAVEL SCOTCH
"Astroworld? More Like Atmosphere-Wrecker"
- Aircraft: Embraer E-190
- Total CO₂ Emissions: 11,631 metric tons
- Total Miles Flown: 453,184 miles
- Total Flights: 334
- Fuel Burned: 858,480 gallons
- Flight Time: 48 days 9 hours 26 minutes
Travel Scotch's jet pollution levels are straight-up astronomical. Maybe he should collab with NASA instead of wrecking the ozone layer?
RONALD GRUMP
"Make Pollution Great Again"
- Aircraft: Boeing 757
- Total CO₂ Emissions: 30,747 metric tons (a whole small country’s worth)
- Total Miles Flown: 347,181 miles
- Total Flights: 435
- Fuel Burned: 5,360,700 gallons (because subtlety isn’t his thing)
- Flight Time: 38 days 20 hours 33 minutes
Grump’s jet is literally a flying gold-plated skyscraper. You’d think he’d cut down on flights to save on "fake news" fuel prices, but nope!
BAN MIDZERIAN
"Jetsetter or Just Bored?"
- Aircraft: Gulfstream IV
- Total CO₂ Emissions: 1,895 metric tons
- Total Miles Flown: 122,759 miles
- Total Flights: 91
- Fuel Burned: 141,140 gallons
- Flight Time: 13 days 3 hours 30 minutes
Flying private to flex on Instagram? Classic Ban. Next time, how about a sustainable yacht party instead?
TRAILER TWIFT
"Karma is My Jet’s Carbon Footprint"
- Aircraft: Dassault Falcon 7X
- Total CO₂ Emissions: 1,245 metric tons
- Total Miles Flown: 135,850 miles
- Total Flights: 128
- Fuel Burned: 105,980 gallons
- Flight Time: 13 days 20 hours 19 minutes
She claims she "loaned out" her jet, but karma doesn't take private flights, Trailer. Maybe it’s time to switch from jet fuel to acoustic road trips?